Now I know…

I knew, but I didn’t know.   I knew that something was wrong with my foot but I did not know what.  I knew that nothing was broken but I needed to know that for a fact.  And I knew that when I got the diagnosis, the doctor was going to say, “No”.   It was my version of Dead Man Limping.  I had been running the last couple weeks but the Styx song was in my head.. hangman is coming down from the gallows and I don’t have very long…

So today I went to see Romero for the interpretation of my MRI.  The results were about as good as it could get without him saying that it was all mental.  No fractures or dislocations.  No fasciitis or arthritis.  What we have here is a good ol’ case of bursitis mixed with some tendinitis around the sesamoids.  Tennis elbow in a toe.  Jumpers knee in a foot.

“So how do we fix it, Doc?  Can we just inject it with something?”

“Well some pro athletes have had great results getting injections of red blood cell platelets.  But it’s spendy and insurance won’t cover it and the results are inconclusive and you are not a pro athlete.”

“Hmmm, true…well how about a cortisone shot?”

“I really don’t recommend cortisone shots in ligaments or tendons below the waist.  The cortisone can weaken them and they can burst when your body weight is put on to them.”

“Oh.  Well there has to be something we can do…”

“Yes…you can start taking two Advil twice a day and stop running.  You can sub any  non weight-bearing exercise as long as it does not aggravate the toe.”

“Great.  How long?”

“I can’t say.  We’ll start with six to eight weeks and then check it.”

So I know that time heals all wounds.  Except the fatal ones.  Or amputations.  But I would totally take steroids or HGH or whatever else if I knew it would fix me faster.  (I know many of you naturally assumed by looking at my physique that I was already on steroids.  Thanks, but no…).  So it’s back to my good friend Ellie the Elliptical.  If anyone is looking for any Saturday or Sunday sessions with company, I am down for guest passes at your club.  I sweat a lot and talk pretty much the whole time.  The other fitness machine riders love that…

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So June 1st was National Running Day.  I’m trying to figure why they would make it on a fixed day and not on, say, the first Saturday in June so they could schedule a race on that day.  Regardless, I did not celebrate.  Why would I honor an activity that hurts so many people?  You don’t celebrate National Smoking Day, do you?

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There will be no Brizzle next week.  Stop clapping.  We leave for a week to Yellowstone on Saturday for the Jersey version of camping which is pretty much hotels, hot meals, air conditioning, hot showers and cable tv.  We’ll still spend time in the jungle there though…y’know going on safaris and catching zebras and stuff.  The 14-year-old has already let us know all of the amazing things he will be missing since his friends are planning all the fun activities for the first week that school is out.  The 11-year-old wants to know how come we did not get to go to Hawaii or all the way to Disneyland (!).  The 47-year-old is dreaming of trail runs.  The odds are very high that he will be cheating on Ellie.  Of course, you do have other things to worry about that when you are in the jungles of Yellowstone!  They do still have that jungle there, right?

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I would be remiss if I did not mention that one of my favorite runners, John Latto, was awarded top prize from UCSB as the professor that you would most want to know in case of a Zombie Apocolypse.  As you know, I am a big fan of the whole zombie movement and the trend these days has been for zombies that run really fast.  All this training will not be for naught, my friends…

Here’s all the details…

The ‘Zombocalypse’ Hits UCSB

The ‘Zombocalypse’ Hits UCSB

16

May 2011

News

Regina Sarnicola
Opinion Editor
Photo Courtesy of AS Program Board

Students had the opportunity to see another side of some of their favorite professors at Thursday night’s Zombie Debate: the chainsaw-wielding, tie-dye-wearing, take-no-prisoners side.

About 800 students showed up to The Hub at 8 p.m. for the second annual Zombie Debate hosted by Associated Students’ Program Board to hear six professors argue why their area of study would be most valuable in surviving a zombie attack.

According to fourth-year History major and Cultural Arts Coordinator for Program Board Patrick Alami, the idea was developed by a Program Board member last year, who then took suggestions regarding who were some favorite professors on campus before inviting them to participate.

This year, the participants were Walid Afifi of Communication, Rusty Busto of Religious Studies, Tamsin German of Psychology, Glenn Beltz of Engineering, Candace Waid of English and Comparative Literature, and the newest champion, John Latto of Biology, whose prize was bragging rights.

“It was really cool; I loved seeing another side of the professors. I would definitely come back next year,” said first-year Film and Media studies major Jill Colcol.

The professors had ten minutes to argue their case using whatever visuals they brought and, after hearing the other professors’ arguments, received a chance for a rebuttal.

Each professor used a different tactic to sway audience members, ranging from Afifi’s use of digital maps to show where zombies had attacked and Twitter feeds to get updates on what was going on, to Busto surprising the audience by pulling out a chainsaw to prove his point that the Religious Studies Department employs the necessary tools.

Latto offered a certificate as an incentive to vote for him and explained how, since biologists aren’t squeamish, they are useful in deciding “what’s what, what goes where, and what [body part] one can do without.” German argued that by knowing one’s enemy and mimicking the zombies, not only can we figure out how they learn, but also how to teach them the wrong things.

Waid energized the audience with her passionate antics and explained how “Jesus was the first zombie,” while Beltz got straight to his point, simply stating “As an engineer, I am very good at blowing shit up.”

Colcol said she voted for Latto because his knowledge about biology and his argument were appealing.

Second-year Computer Science major Sam Cardoca had a different opinion.

“I would have voted for the Religious Studies professor because he was the funniest,” he said.

German, who came in second, losing by only eight votes, said because she is already a huge fan of the zombie genre, her preparation for the debate consisted of finding ways to incorporate that knowledge. She said her favorite part was her reference to the zombie movie Shaun of the Dead.

“I mentioned being from England and knowing how to wield a cricket bat and one of the audience members had dressed up as that character and brought one to me on stage,” German said. “It was great because one thing I wasn’t expecting exactly was the level of involvement by the students. Lots of them had dressed up as zombies or other characters and that was just awesome.”

Busto said he is also interested in science fiction characters, which is perfect because world religious traditions are full of supernatural creatures.

“Both the zombie and apocalypse have origins in religious traditions and who better to deal with them than a scholar of religion?” Busto said. “[We] deal with non-rational and irrational phenomena all the time, so handling zombies is no biggie for us.”

Alami said they started planning for the event in April and thought it was a great success. “Next year we want to get one more professor and have the reigning champion return,” Alami said. He also said that getting better technology for more in-depth debates and having a question and answer session with the audience are other ideas for next year.

“If all goes well, hopefully this will become a tradition like Extravaganza,” he said.